there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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