If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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