So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize