True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
