I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
