His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
