whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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