My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
