Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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