I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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