I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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