You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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