Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
