i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
