wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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