I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
