His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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