i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize