Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
