Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
