i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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