Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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