I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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