in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
