I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I look better un-naked...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
