...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize