His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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