Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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