I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
