just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
