go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
