he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
