Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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