I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
