If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
