Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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