Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
