Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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