If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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