i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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