john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I love you. Go after that dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
