Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
