Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
