i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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