I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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