I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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