I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
