very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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