So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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