ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
