I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
