also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
