I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
