I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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