Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
