there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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