Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
