She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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