wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
