the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
