there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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