I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
