its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize