Pants 0. Shit 1.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
