Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
