gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
