They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
