Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
