He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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