So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
