meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
