Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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