HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
