She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
